Thursday, October 31, 2013


A true friend confides freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.
William Penn

Your's truly and
Story time. . .

All of my childhood, I was a friend to almost no one beyond my family. I was personable and talkative about matters, but I simply did not want or look for friends. I did not build relationships with people. I remember my dad would say he did not like “People” and I would think, “Well, I do not either.”

Through my adult life, until the age of 24, that stayed status quo.

While I'd always had a lot to say, been fairly charming and most would say pretty charismatic if I knew you well, and while I've always wanted to help if needed and always tried to be polite, it was all very much an on the surface, acquaintance type life with any and all new people. If I hadn't know you from birth, that was all you could get, usually. I wasn't warm, to put it simply.

I never looked for friends. I did not want those ties. I cannot ever remember feeling a desire to socialize to meet new people. I wasn't even sure what a person would say to make “friends.”
What was the purpose? I said enough to be polite and never anything about what mattered in life. Enough to get by unless there was some subject to debate.

Then in 2007, everything changed.

The friends, my siblings, I'd had my entire life were suddenly gone. My brothers and sister were gone, and I was quite alone. I realized why I had never felt the need to have friends or anyone else close to me. They had always completely and totally filled that need we all have. They were so vital, so enough that there was no point in searching elsewhere. I had never before felt void of companionship, of a group to love and trust. . .

Gone. So quick.

And in no time, it seemed, my father was gone, as well.

Those that knew me had vanished from the face of the earth, and the person I was, had been. ..she was completely gone.

And there I was. . .now able to feel alone. To be fair, I wasn't completely alone - there was, at the time, a husband of one year and my 5 year old son, but still. . . how very alone I felt.

He was so new to my life and my son
. . . a little child, and everything that seemed so worthwhile suddenly had so little meaning, so little value. No one to reflect on the past with, no one to remember the good old days, everyone that held dear memories with, gone, and almost no one to tell those things which are important to. . .no variety of interests, no one to accompany me to anything a husband would never wish to see, visit. . .

And what was left was a person who was crushed and broken and unable to ever be whole. . .

I worked to find way to make things matter again. . .and it will never be the same, and yet. . .

I found that there were people out here. . .people worth knowing, people who care and are kind. . .
people to make memories with and discuss the mundane nothings of life and the meanings of life with. . .

The farm and rescue have given me room to develop and change and realize the person who felt no desire to talk and get to know people 7 years ago actually could want company and friendship.

I know it seems to some people that what I do is for others, and true enough, it is - that is my nature - but I would that people understand it is far beyond that for me. . .so much further than I could ever tell you. . .

and it has done for me. . .far more than anything else could ever have. . .

The ability to befriend other rescue folks and small farmers and make a new life, one worth living. . . in the face of a heap of rubble and ruin and suffering. . . is something I could never have imagined would take place. . .

and yet. . . here IT is.



Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds. For riches are not for ever: and doth the crown endure to every generation? The hay appeareth, and the tender grass sheweth itself, and herbs of the mountains are gathered. The lambs are for thy clothing, and the goats are the price of the field. And thou shalt have goats' milk enough for thy food, for the food of thy household, and for the maintenance for thy maidens

- Proverbs 27:23-27

"I know of no pursuit in which more real and important services can be rendered to any country than by improving its agriculture, its breed of useful animals, and other branches of a husbandman's cares."

- George Washington