Please know that you can still be "good" everywhere your hands find a need, and that is enough. Everywhere your hand finds. . .
The talent in this world we live in blows my mind daily.
When I see beautiful, wacky and amazing things, this goes through my mind: "My goodness! I am so inferior to the level of excellence out there in so many areas.
Why do I not try harder at something?"
I have spent many of my 34, years, wishing I could dedicate enough of me to a single "thing," so that in some amount of time, I could look back and say,
"Wow, I really conquered that point. I've achieved some high level of excellence."
Yet, I've realized it is not my nature lately. And that is that. Be it good or be it bad. I am some strange person of no "one" passion.
I love those who are able to give a single thing all they have.
Envy it, really.
They inspire me in my muddled pursuits of various endeavors to be a bit better at 12 things, at least. Not excellent, though. I wish I could concentrate on a single area. I think how much good or worth I might add to a spot if I could focus on but 1 thing.
It is simply not within me, folks.
I suppose my friends could and would tell you that keeping my attention is no easy thing; here and there I am, without fail, all over during any given conversation.
I dabble as a photographer. I'm reasonably good. Not particularly inspired, not great. Not bad. I am quick to tell those who asked, I am dabbling only. I have spent years upgrading equipment and learning photoshop only to admit my heart has never been in it enough to be a cut above mediocre. It never will be. I simply like it.
I am a writer. I cannot deny it. I write things, and they are quick to come out and lovely and easy for me (though my here and there personality demands an editor for random words that do not belong often enough). But that isn't who I am. I feel sure I will never give it all I am to make this gift as excellent as it could be, Maybe all it should be. I suppose this one will be by biggest regret in the times to come.
I'm a talker. I am a speaker. I love to speak to a crowd. I love to inspire, talk to folks about things of value and create action. I am good at this. Yet, I have to be honest, I have never spent time expanding this gift, and I probably should have done so over the years. It just comes out, it is pretty good, and I settle there. Chances are, it will remain pretty good. Never amazing.
I work in equine rescue (but I'm no gifted rider), I raise dairy goats and cows (but don't show them), and I homeschool my children (basically by letting them learn through life and being feral).
I cannot tell you I have spent my life cultivating excellence in a particular area. I have spent time being better, not the best. . .not the very best.
I have settled as a "Jack of Many Trades," yet I am an "Ace at none."
But have I just settled?
While I spent my childhood dreaming of becoming an author, a jockey, a rescuer, a farmer, an artist, a photographer, a missionary and more. . . I think what I've realized is I am person inclined to be all there was within her. . .at once. I would have to give up on a lot I'm pretty good at to be amazing at one of these things.
That is something I cannot do. I am a remarkably steady while being flighty, bubbly, funny and then a very serious being. I am sad, and I am broken, but in some ways, the same person I was at 5 years old. I love shoes, over the top language and being able to make people believe in being kind and in themselves. I can't point that in just one place to a particular area of grand success.
I love goats, photos, stories, horses, what is good, my boys and Jesus. I cannot love any of these things less. I have tried and failed. I cannot give less to one in order to give more to the other. In order to be excellent. . .
I cannot direct who I am to a single area and feel I have done the right thing. I believe if I give everything I am to any thing I love, so much will be lost I care about, I withhold enough. . . And for those out there struggling because you haven't been able to concentrate on being the best at one thing because you're trying to do 200 things . . .
Please know that you can still be "good" everywhere your hands find a need, and that is enough. Everywhere your hands find. It is enough.