I'd suppose if I try hard to do anything, it is to recognize my own personal failures and abilities, and then to figure out what values they have in teaching some type of life lesson through the course of things.
It is sad how we can know we should not do a thing or should do a thing, and yet, we will sit by and decide to very clearly to do or not do the opposite of whatever it is.
For instance, I am good at a fair number of things. I am glad for it. One of the things is writing in particular way that is my own, that people enjoy reading and that resonates.
Thankful for that, I am.
However, I am bad at a large number of things, too. While I am aware, changing the bad things. . .well, that is tough. I put all things off. . .and off. and never get all needed information.
I was made aware of a particular essay contest for the region of Appalachia at least 8 months ago. I reviewed the deadline. I was firmly of the belief I could place or win the contest. I skimmed the requirements, noting mostly that the piece needed to be about Appalachia (check) and the due date (check.)
A person so inclined to use so many words herself simply skim (can all my HOP people give me an AMEN? I thought so)? Being firmly sure I could win, you'd think I'd have read it better, but no.
Writing comes easy, so I was sure it would.
So I waited. I could have worked on it for months. I did not.
I put it off.
I wrote lots of other things, you be sure.
I let the date get nearly upon me, within a few days, actually, and I realized the requirements for the piece were rather specific. Wouldn't have hurt me to read them sooner, would it?
It was so specific, I knew then I should not enter anything. It wouldn't be fair to the piece. I could have done it with weeks, not a few days.
I said, "I should not enter anything, as it will not be good."
The hour came to submit it, and I literally typed away to meet the word count, and I knew half way through, it was a random, an all over the place mess. . .no direction at all, pointless (so I thought).
Somewhere along the words, they went awry and failed.
I knew it. I said it aloud. This isn't good. I should not send it.
So I opened my email, copied and pasted the email from the contact page, and I sent it.
No sooner was it done, I was horrified. I closed WORD. I did not open it again to ever once even read the mess.
This doesn't end well. You may be thinking it does.
Yesterday, I received the feedback -
Win? Heavens, no. And I didn't want feedback on what I'd done. I wanted to forget it. Don't we all when we do a stupid thing or series of things?
But no, I had to read it. It was my choice to waste their time and make a group of people read it.
And there were spelled out all the things I had known before clicking send. Started really strong, ended a mess without a place to go. That was a summery. There was a bit more, but that is the gist.
I needed to be reminded that even when you're very good at a thing, if you allow your weak parts to do so, they will destroy your talent and intention and ability.
Someone else needs to know that, too.
Know what your failings are, else you will never do better than your weakest part.
And that story, it did start well, so I'll take that and do something with it.
Better this time.